[Steven is doing his very best and Marc appreciates it more than he can express right now. He will later when they're home and settled and he can properly breathe again without the looming doom and gloom hovering over them both. Fuck. How are they ever going to manage with someone like this taking the body out for a spin? How could Marc have had zero idea? Oh, right, he ignored every sign of the problem as usual. Healthy.
While Steven rambles Marc eventually finds his place in the rear view mirror to settle in, watching Steven from a close distance and yet feeling so anxious still. He can see the nervous energy leaking out of the other man despite the brave face, though Marc would say this is a vast improvement from the absolute panic Steven was struck by when he first discovered Marc in his life.]
I don't know if we wanna tempt him out. [He takes a shuddery breath but keeps his eyes on Steven, feeling more grounded by it.] What if-... What if he's not friendly to us either?
[Is that a thing? Is that possible? He has no fucking clue. The thought of some deeply hidden part of him getting out and hurting Steven scares him more than anything and he tries to push the thought far, far away, but it's so difficult when he's already distressed.]
What's the worst he can do? [ He doesn't really understand it, that much is clear, and while he had been afraid of Marc-- he had also been sure he was possessed by some sort of handsome demon or a cryptid and not so much it was someone else who actually belonged. More than he did, even. He had always thought it was his body, but once he realized it was theirs (Marc's more than his, even if he didn't agree), and so there had been fear at the thought of harm or pain. ] He's got to live in the same body as us, yeah? [ His tongue presses against the back of his teeth, thinking it through before he shakes his head. ] I think if he wanted to make us miserable he would've yeah?
Guy didn't just wake up and decide to take a trip, so he's been here for a bit at least. [ What bothered Steven more was the fact that there was a clear wall there between them and him. Marc could block Steven out, he'd discovered, but he hadn't been able to do the same-- but this other fellow... Jake, he'd clearly been able to knock the two of them both out for some time. That was a problem.
Not waking up again.
He wasn't going to say that, though, because things are already tense and his fingers can't wrap any tighter around the steering wheel before he starts to hurt himself. He shakes his head again, eyes squeezing closed for just a second before he forces himself to focus on the road. ] Don't feel like we were meant to wake up at all, maybe he got knocked out. Either way, it's a bit late for the tit to be hiding away. [ So there, smug-looking passport guy. ]
Kill people, apparently. [Marc grumbles cynically. While he's aware that he himself isn't one to talk, seeing the pile of bodies in that house, decaying and left behind, is worse than what he used to dabble in. Marc doesn't even know who those people were or what they'd done, if anything, to deserve that. Isn't the blood still on his hands if this other person living inside of him did that? Is Marc still not responsible?
He's trying very hard not to spiral down that unhelpful thought process and focuses instead on Steven, who is doing his best to keep the situation as lighthearted as he can, but Marc knows he must be worried too. They had been doing so well just the two of them, figuring this shit out together, finally getting to a place of balance... and of course the scales had to tip over to one side again. Nothing is ever easy.]
Yeah... you're probably right. [Mumbled a bit, Marc shifts his gaze back over to Steven, focusing on his expression and how determined he looks when he drives.]
It- It scares me to think I can't control it. That I didn't know. [It's a quiet confession and if Marc's voice wavers a bit, at least he's safely tucked away inside.] I know we suspected something but I shouldn't have ignored it this long.
Right. [ It was a fair point, of course, and killing people put that weight on both of them and he had killed... a lot of people. It made Steven wonder if this wasn't the first time, people don't just do that, do they? He's not sure, but he knows he's not going to ask or suggest that to Marc because that's the last topic they need to be getting into. Instead he just runs a hand through his hair, tugging it slightly, feeling a little stretch and sting. It's partially gelled down which is just not his thing. Grumbling about the fact that he can't even enjoy his own hair he slaps his hand back onto the steering wheel. ]
What were you going to do about it Marc? [ It sounds a little harsh and he bites his tongue, trying to find a better way to express what he wants to say. ] It's not like you can force him to the surface, or that knowing he's there is going to change anything if he's content to hide. It isn't your fault any more than it's mine.
There's nothing to be done about it. [ He waved a hand like he was dismissing any arguments that might follow, huffing. ] Even if we knew he was there, we could've yelled at him daily in the mirror and accomplished the same amount. He's creeping about, it's his fault.
[Steven isn't wrong with his assessment of the situation though Marc isn't sure if the reminder is making him feel better. Then again, he doesn't think much of anything could make him feel better right now other than waking up from a terrible nightmare. Perhaps it was naïve of him to assume that his mind had only cracked into two pieces because of course he'd be more broken than that. Why not?
Those thoughts could easily spiral and he's quiet for a while after Steven's done speaking, though at least he isn't hiding away. He's still lingering in the mirror, his gaze shifted, though he's silent until letting out one long, tired exhale.]
There has to be a way... to pull him out and talk. I don't want- I can't- We can't live like this. [Trying to be rational is hurting his brain but it's probably for the best. Better than getting emotional and freaking the fuck out.] You and I started making things work. I don't want to ruin that. This is... our life. Ours. Fuck.
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While Steven rambles Marc eventually finds his place in the rear view mirror to settle in, watching Steven from a close distance and yet feeling so anxious still. He can see the nervous energy leaking out of the other man despite the brave face, though Marc would say this is a vast improvement from the absolute panic Steven was struck by when he first discovered Marc in his life.]
I don't know if we wanna tempt him out. [He takes a shuddery breath but keeps his eyes on Steven, feeling more grounded by it.] What if-... What if he's not friendly to us either?
[Is that a thing? Is that possible? He has no fucking clue. The thought of some deeply hidden part of him getting out and hurting Steven scares him more than anything and he tries to push the thought far, far away, but it's so difficult when he's already distressed.]
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Guy didn't just wake up and decide to take a trip, so he's been here for a bit at least. [ What bothered Steven more was the fact that there was a clear wall there between them and him. Marc could block Steven out, he'd discovered, but he hadn't been able to do the same-- but this other fellow... Jake, he'd clearly been able to knock the two of them both out for some time. That was a problem.
Not waking up again.
He wasn't going to say that, though, because things are already tense and his fingers can't wrap any tighter around the steering wheel before he starts to hurt himself. He shakes his head again, eyes squeezing closed for just a second before he forces himself to focus on the road. ] Don't feel like we were meant to wake up at all, maybe he got knocked out. Either way, it's a bit late for the tit to be hiding away. [ So there, smug-looking passport guy. ]
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He's trying very hard not to spiral down that unhelpful thought process and focuses instead on Steven, who is doing his best to keep the situation as lighthearted as he can, but Marc knows he must be worried too. They had been doing so well just the two of them, figuring this shit out together, finally getting to a place of balance... and of course the scales had to tip over to one side again. Nothing is ever easy.]
Yeah... you're probably right. [Mumbled a bit, Marc shifts his gaze back over to Steven, focusing on his expression and how determined he looks when he drives.]
It- It scares me to think I can't control it. That I didn't know. [It's a quiet confession and if Marc's voice wavers a bit, at least he's safely tucked away inside.] I know we suspected something but I shouldn't have ignored it this long.
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What were you going to do about it Marc? [ It sounds a little harsh and he bites his tongue, trying to find a better way to express what he wants to say. ] It's not like you can force him to the surface, or that knowing he's there is going to change anything if he's content to hide. It isn't your fault any more than it's mine.
There's nothing to be done about it. [ He waved a hand like he was dismissing any arguments that might follow, huffing. ] Even if we knew he was there, we could've yelled at him daily in the mirror and accomplished the same amount. He's creeping about, it's his fault.
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Those thoughts could easily spiral and he's quiet for a while after Steven's done speaking, though at least he isn't hiding away. He's still lingering in the mirror, his gaze shifted, though he's silent until letting out one long, tired exhale.]
There has to be a way... to pull him out and talk. I don't want- I can't- We can't live like this. [Trying to be rational is hurting his brain but it's probably for the best. Better than getting emotional and freaking the fuck out.] You and I started making things work. I don't want to ruin that. This is... our life. Ours. Fuck.