Yeah, yeah, of course. [ Maybe he sounds a little over-eager, but he knows Marc well enough to know that if he doesn't sound like he can handle it he won't get control of the body. Won't be able to force him to take a breather. This was much easier. Swallowing he tries to ease things over as fluidly as he can, a slow tide filling up the room rather than a sudden wave crashing against his mind. It takes him a little to orient himself, even co-fronting it felt odd to have all the limbs under his control again.
It reminds him to keep his breathing measured at least. If he can drag that ability to choke stress down into the body it might help both of them. His fingers fumble briefly before he pulls back from the car, standing straight again. He palms over his body thoughtfully, finding the keys again, scowling a little at the smell of tobacco and cologne he knows isn't his or Marc's in the collar of the coat.
Their legs feel so stiff and he stretches a little before pushing around to the side of the car, prying the door open now that they know which keys to use. Sliding into the seat and snapped the door closed behind him. Even just being out of the light wind helps a little. Everything feels swollen with the cold and he hates the tingle that crawls along his skin. Two-thirds of a tank. They must have refilled on the way to the base; that meant there was probably some place at least close enough for them to drive to.
He shoves the key into the ignition, pressing the break and listening to the way it chokes against the cold. Sputters and groans before rumbling to life, the soft vibration filling him with a flood of relief. He snaps the heater off, for the time being, turning all the dials as high as they can get, rubbing his hands together while he waits for the engine to warm up enough to provide actual heat through the vents and not just whispers of cold air. ] Couldn't he have at least got us kidnapped somewhere warmer? Sheesh.
[Switching like this can be exhausting but it's necessary right now. Marc needs to calm down. Ironic, considering he was the one telling Steven to relax just a few minutes ago. It's the thought of another potential alter messing with them without their knowledge that is bothering Marc the most right now and he doesn't know what to do. What if they come out without warning now? Will him or Steven be able to stop it?
Bless Steven for being okay taking control for a little while though. He is braver and stronger than he gives himself credit for and Marc appreciates him more than he can say. He's happy to take the backseat for a while and watch as Steven gets into the car, starts it up, trying to ease the chill through their body.]
Check... Check the glovebox. Maybe our papers are in there. We need to find our passport. [Deep, deep breaths. Marc is trying not to be loud about it too but he can't help the way he struggles with his breathing, a panic attack only abated by the fact that Steven took over.]
[ He can't drive but he knows well enough to rev the car a little just so he can get the engine running a little harder and give himself some heat. His skin feels tingly and aches against his body but he's doing his best. He nods as Marc speaks and leans over, prying the glovebox open. There's a pair of gloves in there that he knocks onto the floor, a lot of needless paperwork and after a second he finds a passport. ] Finally.
[ A little sigh as he finds something of substance, but flipping it open doesn't offer him any relief. It's them, their face-- dressed differently, a button-up but not one of Stevens, a tie he'd never worn and a smile that didn't seem in place on either of their faces. The name was obviously fake, too, and after a second Steven makes a small pained noise in the back of his throat. ]
This isn't yours, is it? [ Didn't take an idiot to know it wasn't Steven's. ]
[The passport is definitely a very good fake and Marc wonders if this alter knew Marc's contact for getting this, if they went to them and pretended to be him or - or something. It's quality work and it wouldn't be too surprising for Marc to show up asking for a passport under a false identity. He'd do that often in the past. However, he has no recollection of making this.]
No... that's not a name I've ever used. [Jake Lockley. It's not an alias he recalls and that just makes the uncomfortable feeling in him heighten.]
But I guess it also is mine if it- if he- [He doesn't even know how to put it. He curses instead, tempted to hide away and not deal with this at all, but it wouldn't fair to leave Steven on his own.] Fuck, I can't believe this is happening again.
Jake huh? [ He purses his lips flipping the passport over and then back, getting a better look. It wasn't a great quality photo, but something about it also felt off in a way he decided to keep to himself. He didn't think it would help and he was already a little too in his own head over this thing. Marc sounded strained in a way he hated-- in a way he thought they had escaped, until recently. ] Not very creative with our names are we? [ A little tease, but it sounds as dry as his mouth feels.
Taking a long breath in and out he can at least feel his toes again in the heat of the car, the warmth bringing some color back to his skin as he tips his head back and rests it against the car seat for a second. Just quietly counting a few seconds down. He has to get better at this, if for Marc over anything else. ] He's a problem for later. I'm not looking to solve whatever mystery was assembled here; we have enough gas to get somewhere, I'll drive. [ It's not really a suggestion or even a question, not that he'd ignore Marc if he protests, but right now getting away seems like the best option especially if anyone else was likely to come back. ]
You can rest, you know. It'll be a straight shot, right? I can just drive. [ He doesn't really know how to drive, but in this snow with the chains he figures he's not going to be going particularly fast anyway. ] I've got this.
[Steven probably doesn't even realize how easily he takes charge and it helps immensely in a situation like this where Marc feels like he is steadily losing control. Maybe working together as they have these last few months has been paying off after all whether they know it or not. Either way, he is grateful.
Of course, Marc feels guilty over putting Steven in this spot to begin with but there's nothing he can do but let himself trust that they've got each other's backs. Steven is more capable than he gives himself credit for and Marc's own control slips so easily. He needs him.]
I won't- I won't abandon you in a shitty situation like this. It's fine, I'm fine. [Despite the way his voice wavers he is trying to be strong too, even if it always feels harder when faced with an issue deeper than their present surroundings.]
I... I trust you, I know you can do it. [He's a nervous presence near the front but he knows it would be so very easy to hide right now.] Just don't forget to take it out of park first.
It's not abandoning me. [ He quips easily enough, muttering 'park' under his breath as he becomes exceedingly relieved it's not a manual. Pressing down on the break he grabs the shifter, shoving it forward into drive. There are a few more seconds of looking around before the parking break is found down under the dash and they can finally attempt to move. He eases onto the gas, hearing the tires slide for a second before the chain catches and if his heart skips a bear that's not unreasonable.
Glancing up he peeks in the rearview, but it's still just more slow and cold and... Shaking his head he applies a little more gas, thankfully enough for the chains to catch and they're moving. Slow but forward. Away. A relieved laugh escapes, something that sounds a little more afraid than he'd like to let on, as if the sensation is washing over him and he's thankful they're finally moving out of the spot. It's not a solution but it's more than they had been trapped with a second ago. ]
You'd think we'd have the decency to get kidnapped somewhere warmer.
[Marc stays safely internal, watching vaguely out from their headspace, in the place that makes it feel impossible to move, but he doesn't mind being squared away for the time being. It helps him calm down. While he'd normally hide away and rest as Steven suggested though he doesn't feel good doing that until they're properly out on the road at least, knowing that Steven has things under control. Marc feels like shit he could barely keep it together after the confirmation of someone else having controlled their body.]
I don't know if we were kidnapped or came here willingly, Steven. [He almost sounds sick confessing as such. What would have led them here at all? Into a house full of people who were clearly not competent enough to take on one man? Or did he have help...
He groans softly and wishes so badly they could wake up from this nightmare of a revelation.]
You doing okay? You've got this. Driving is easy. You dealt with a lot worse in Switzerland.
Oh. [ There's a pause at the statement, and he had just assumed, but he realizes Marc is probably more correct than he would like. ] Explains the passport then. [ At least they weren't smuggled in the boot of a car, or however people are smuggled, he's really not all that well informed on it. Thankfully. He might be able to ask but it seems like an all-around bad idea right now.
His gaze flips up, peeking in the rearview, unsure of if he'll see himself or Marc, but he wants to offer some kind of reassurance at the groan. He wonders if he's handling it better now because he's recently been through this, or if his brain is just not accepting the harsh realities of it yet. Probably both. He can scream into the bedding when they're home. ]
I'm good, just fine. Easy peasy uh, lemon, squeeze me? [ Whatever the hell people say, he's trying. He nods, too, because those roads had been chaos... at least the parts he remembers. He can hold a wheel and function well enough without jerking the car too hard with the easing of the breaks. They're moving at a much slower pace now, anyway. ]
I'm mostly offended. [ He rambles, because at least if he's talking it will keep Marc out of his own head too much. ] This bloke has a lot of nerve, didn't bother to introduce himself, could've left a sticky note or something. We're good company! [ A glance to the driver's side rearview, frowning as seriously as he can manage, but the body feels exhausted and it only lasts long enough for him to grumble-- ] You hear that you arsehole? [ Like it makes a difference before his head is thudding back against the headrest and he tries to keep his attention on the road well enough to drive.
Good thing he's used to functioning on very little sleep. ]
[Steven is doing his very best and Marc appreciates it more than he can express right now. He will later when they're home and settled and he can properly breathe again without the looming doom and gloom hovering over them both. Fuck. How are they ever going to manage with someone like this taking the body out for a spin? How could Marc have had zero idea? Oh, right, he ignored every sign of the problem as usual. Healthy.
While Steven rambles Marc eventually finds his place in the rear view mirror to settle in, watching Steven from a close distance and yet feeling so anxious still. He can see the nervous energy leaking out of the other man despite the brave face, though Marc would say this is a vast improvement from the absolute panic Steven was struck by when he first discovered Marc in his life.]
I don't know if we wanna tempt him out. [He takes a shuddery breath but keeps his eyes on Steven, feeling more grounded by it.] What if-... What if he's not friendly to us either?
[Is that a thing? Is that possible? He has no fucking clue. The thought of some deeply hidden part of him getting out and hurting Steven scares him more than anything and he tries to push the thought far, far away, but it's so difficult when he's already distressed.]
What's the worst he can do? [ He doesn't really understand it, that much is clear, and while he had been afraid of Marc-- he had also been sure he was possessed by some sort of handsome demon or a cryptid and not so much it was someone else who actually belonged. More than he did, even. He had always thought it was his body, but once he realized it was theirs (Marc's more than his, even if he didn't agree), and so there had been fear at the thought of harm or pain. ] He's got to live in the same body as us, yeah? [ His tongue presses against the back of his teeth, thinking it through before he shakes his head. ] I think if he wanted to make us miserable he would've yeah?
Guy didn't just wake up and decide to take a trip, so he's been here for a bit at least. [ What bothered Steven more was the fact that there was a clear wall there between them and him. Marc could block Steven out, he'd discovered, but he hadn't been able to do the same-- but this other fellow... Jake, he'd clearly been able to knock the two of them both out for some time. That was a problem.
Not waking up again.
He wasn't going to say that, though, because things are already tense and his fingers can't wrap any tighter around the steering wheel before he starts to hurt himself. He shakes his head again, eyes squeezing closed for just a second before he forces himself to focus on the road. ] Don't feel like we were meant to wake up at all, maybe he got knocked out. Either way, it's a bit late for the tit to be hiding away. [ So there, smug-looking passport guy. ]
Kill people, apparently. [Marc grumbles cynically. While he's aware that he himself isn't one to talk, seeing the pile of bodies in that house, decaying and left behind, is worse than what he used to dabble in. Marc doesn't even know who those people were or what they'd done, if anything, to deserve that. Isn't the blood still on his hands if this other person living inside of him did that? Is Marc still not responsible?
He's trying very hard not to spiral down that unhelpful thought process and focuses instead on Steven, who is doing his best to keep the situation as lighthearted as he can, but Marc knows he must be worried too. They had been doing so well just the two of them, figuring this shit out together, finally getting to a place of balance... and of course the scales had to tip over to one side again. Nothing is ever easy.]
Yeah... you're probably right. [Mumbled a bit, Marc shifts his gaze back over to Steven, focusing on his expression and how determined he looks when he drives.]
It- It scares me to think I can't control it. That I didn't know. [It's a quiet confession and if Marc's voice wavers a bit, at least he's safely tucked away inside.] I know we suspected something but I shouldn't have ignored it this long.
Right. [ It was a fair point, of course, and killing people put that weight on both of them and he had killed... a lot of people. It made Steven wonder if this wasn't the first time, people don't just do that, do they? He's not sure, but he knows he's not going to ask or suggest that to Marc because that's the last topic they need to be getting into. Instead he just runs a hand through his hair, tugging it slightly, feeling a little stretch and sting. It's partially gelled down which is just not his thing. Grumbling about the fact that he can't even enjoy his own hair he slaps his hand back onto the steering wheel. ]
What were you going to do about it Marc? [ It sounds a little harsh and he bites his tongue, trying to find a better way to express what he wants to say. ] It's not like you can force him to the surface, or that knowing he's there is going to change anything if he's content to hide. It isn't your fault any more than it's mine.
There's nothing to be done about it. [ He waved a hand like he was dismissing any arguments that might follow, huffing. ] Even if we knew he was there, we could've yelled at him daily in the mirror and accomplished the same amount. He's creeping about, it's his fault.
[Steven isn't wrong with his assessment of the situation though Marc isn't sure if the reminder is making him feel better. Then again, he doesn't think much of anything could make him feel better right now other than waking up from a terrible nightmare. Perhaps it was naïve of him to assume that his mind had only cracked into two pieces because of course he'd be more broken than that. Why not?
Those thoughts could easily spiral and he's quiet for a while after Steven's done speaking, though at least he isn't hiding away. He's still lingering in the mirror, his gaze shifted, though he's silent until letting out one long, tired exhale.]
There has to be a way... to pull him out and talk. I don't want- I can't- We can't live like this. [Trying to be rational is hurting his brain but it's probably for the best. Better than getting emotional and freaking the fuck out.] You and I started making things work. I don't want to ruin that. This is... our life. Ours. Fuck.
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It reminds him to keep his breathing measured at least. If he can drag that ability to choke stress down into the body it might help both of them. His fingers fumble briefly before he pulls back from the car, standing straight again. He palms over his body thoughtfully, finding the keys again, scowling a little at the smell of tobacco and cologne he knows isn't his or Marc's in the collar of the coat.
Their legs feel so stiff and he stretches a little before pushing around to the side of the car, prying the door open now that they know which keys to use. Sliding into the seat and snapped the door closed behind him. Even just being out of the light wind helps a little. Everything feels swollen with the cold and he hates the tingle that crawls along his skin. Two-thirds of a tank. They must have refilled on the way to the base; that meant there was probably some place at least close enough for them to drive to.
He shoves the key into the ignition, pressing the break and listening to the way it chokes against the cold. Sputters and groans before rumbling to life, the soft vibration filling him with a flood of relief. He snaps the heater off, for the time being, turning all the dials as high as they can get, rubbing his hands together while he waits for the engine to warm up enough to provide actual heat through the vents and not just whispers of cold air. ] Couldn't he have at least got us kidnapped somewhere warmer? Sheesh.
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Bless Steven for being okay taking control for a little while though. He is braver and stronger than he gives himself credit for and Marc appreciates him more than he can say. He's happy to take the backseat for a while and watch as Steven gets into the car, starts it up, trying to ease the chill through their body.]
Check... Check the glovebox. Maybe our papers are in there. We need to find our passport. [Deep, deep breaths. Marc is trying not to be loud about it too but he can't help the way he struggles with his breathing, a panic attack only abated by the fact that Steven took over.]
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[ A little sigh as he finds something of substance, but flipping it open doesn't offer him any relief. It's them, their face-- dressed differently, a button-up but not one of Stevens, a tie he'd never worn and a smile that didn't seem in place on either of their faces. The name was obviously fake, too, and after a second Steven makes a small pained noise in the back of his throat. ]
This isn't yours, is it? [ Didn't take an idiot to know it wasn't Steven's. ]
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No... that's not a name I've ever used. [Jake Lockley. It's not an alias he recalls and that just makes the uncomfortable feeling in him heighten.]
But I guess it also is mine if it- if he- [He doesn't even know how to put it. He curses instead, tempted to hide away and not deal with this at all, but it wouldn't fair to leave Steven on his own.] Fuck, I can't believe this is happening again.
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Taking a long breath in and out he can at least feel his toes again in the heat of the car, the warmth bringing some color back to his skin as he tips his head back and rests it against the car seat for a second. Just quietly counting a few seconds down. He has to get better at this, if for Marc over anything else. ] He's a problem for later. I'm not looking to solve whatever mystery was assembled here; we have enough gas to get somewhere, I'll drive. [ It's not really a suggestion or even a question, not that he'd ignore Marc if he protests, but right now getting away seems like the best option especially if anyone else was likely to come back. ]
You can rest, you know. It'll be a straight shot, right? I can just drive. [ He doesn't really know how to drive, but in this snow with the chains he figures he's not going to be going particularly fast anyway. ] I've got this.
I got us. It's alright.
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Of course, Marc feels guilty over putting Steven in this spot to begin with but there's nothing he can do but let himself trust that they've got each other's backs. Steven is more capable than he gives himself credit for and Marc's own control slips so easily. He needs him.]
I won't- I won't abandon you in a shitty situation like this. It's fine, I'm fine. [Despite the way his voice wavers he is trying to be strong too, even if it always feels harder when faced with an issue deeper than their present surroundings.]
I... I trust you, I know you can do it. [He's a nervous presence near the front but he knows it would be so very easy to hide right now.] Just don't forget to take it out of park first.
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Glancing up he peeks in the rearview, but it's still just more slow and cold and... Shaking his head he applies a little more gas, thankfully enough for the chains to catch and they're moving. Slow but forward. Away. A relieved laugh escapes, something that sounds a little more afraid than he'd like to let on, as if the sensation is washing over him and he's thankful they're finally moving out of the spot. It's not a solution but it's more than they had been trapped with a second ago. ]
You'd think we'd have the decency to get kidnapped somewhere warmer.
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I don't know if we were kidnapped or came here willingly, Steven. [He almost sounds sick confessing as such. What would have led them here at all? Into a house full of people who were clearly not competent enough to take on one man? Or did he have help...
He groans softly and wishes so badly they could wake up from this nightmare of a revelation.]
You doing okay? You've got this. Driving is easy. You dealt with a lot worse in Switzerland.
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His gaze flips up, peeking in the rearview, unsure of if he'll see himself or Marc, but he wants to offer some kind of reassurance at the groan. He wonders if he's handling it better now because he's recently been through this, or if his brain is just not accepting the harsh realities of it yet. Probably both. He can scream into the bedding when they're home. ]
I'm good, just fine. Easy peasy uh, lemon, squeeze me? [ Whatever the hell people say, he's trying. He nods, too, because those roads had been chaos... at least the parts he remembers. He can hold a wheel and function well enough without jerking the car too hard with the easing of the breaks. They're moving at a much slower pace now, anyway. ]
I'm mostly offended. [ He rambles, because at least if he's talking it will keep Marc out of his own head too much. ] This bloke has a lot of nerve, didn't bother to introduce himself, could've left a sticky note or something. We're good company! [ A glance to the driver's side rearview, frowning as seriously as he can manage, but the body feels exhausted and it only lasts long enough for him to grumble-- ] You hear that you arsehole? [ Like it makes a difference before his head is thudding back against the headrest and he tries to keep his attention on the road well enough to drive.
Good thing he's used to functioning on very little sleep. ]
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While Steven rambles Marc eventually finds his place in the rear view mirror to settle in, watching Steven from a close distance and yet feeling so anxious still. He can see the nervous energy leaking out of the other man despite the brave face, though Marc would say this is a vast improvement from the absolute panic Steven was struck by when he first discovered Marc in his life.]
I don't know if we wanna tempt him out. [He takes a shuddery breath but keeps his eyes on Steven, feeling more grounded by it.] What if-... What if he's not friendly to us either?
[Is that a thing? Is that possible? He has no fucking clue. The thought of some deeply hidden part of him getting out and hurting Steven scares him more than anything and he tries to push the thought far, far away, but it's so difficult when he's already distressed.]
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Guy didn't just wake up and decide to take a trip, so he's been here for a bit at least. [ What bothered Steven more was the fact that there was a clear wall there between them and him. Marc could block Steven out, he'd discovered, but he hadn't been able to do the same-- but this other fellow... Jake, he'd clearly been able to knock the two of them both out for some time. That was a problem.
Not waking up again.
He wasn't going to say that, though, because things are already tense and his fingers can't wrap any tighter around the steering wheel before he starts to hurt himself. He shakes his head again, eyes squeezing closed for just a second before he forces himself to focus on the road. ] Don't feel like we were meant to wake up at all, maybe he got knocked out. Either way, it's a bit late for the tit to be hiding away. [ So there, smug-looking passport guy. ]
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He's trying very hard not to spiral down that unhelpful thought process and focuses instead on Steven, who is doing his best to keep the situation as lighthearted as he can, but Marc knows he must be worried too. They had been doing so well just the two of them, figuring this shit out together, finally getting to a place of balance... and of course the scales had to tip over to one side again. Nothing is ever easy.]
Yeah... you're probably right. [Mumbled a bit, Marc shifts his gaze back over to Steven, focusing on his expression and how determined he looks when he drives.]
It- It scares me to think I can't control it. That I didn't know. [It's a quiet confession and if Marc's voice wavers a bit, at least he's safely tucked away inside.] I know we suspected something but I shouldn't have ignored it this long.
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What were you going to do about it Marc? [ It sounds a little harsh and he bites his tongue, trying to find a better way to express what he wants to say. ] It's not like you can force him to the surface, or that knowing he's there is going to change anything if he's content to hide. It isn't your fault any more than it's mine.
There's nothing to be done about it. [ He waved a hand like he was dismissing any arguments that might follow, huffing. ] Even if we knew he was there, we could've yelled at him daily in the mirror and accomplished the same amount. He's creeping about, it's his fault.
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Those thoughts could easily spiral and he's quiet for a while after Steven's done speaking, though at least he isn't hiding away. He's still lingering in the mirror, his gaze shifted, though he's silent until letting out one long, tired exhale.]
There has to be a way... to pull him out and talk. I don't want- I can't- We can't live like this. [Trying to be rational is hurting his brain but it's probably for the best. Better than getting emotional and freaking the fuck out.] You and I started making things work. I don't want to ruin that. This is... our life. Ours. Fuck.